write then and there.
I have learned how to write my name as early as 3 or 4 years old. but I have really learned writing since i don’t know when exactly. it all started with writing a word, then a phrase, then a sentence and then a paragraph. i write when i am bored or lonely. This is how I’ve been for as far back as I can remember.
When I was in grade school and in my early years of high school, I stay home most of the time and being alone and lonely and always wishing for my mom to come visit me, I get sad and found nobody to talk to. That is why I preferred to write. Because through writing I find company.
I used to write everyday on a journal that I’ve been keeping until now. But I do not write in there anymore. Last time I remembered writing there was when I was on an airplane going back home. There were just so much beautiful things to remember on that trip that I have to write them down so I wouldn’t forget every detail.
Writing has become something very comforting for me. I find it easier to express feelings down on paper. It gives me more freedom to express what lies behind every masked emotion. This isn’t a cure for all of life’s ill but somehow, I can feel relief.
I write because I love to read my words on paper just like I love reading others’ words on paper. I love reading my father’s poetry. On family vacations, when my sisters and I come home with a tan, he’d come home with a poem.
I write because I do not have a TV in my room and I do not want to watch TV anywhere else in the house but here. So i write instead.
I write when my schedule would allow me.
But for some reasons, I do not want to do it more often anymore…
…because what I have written before may have hurt somebody, or made somebody angry and maybe even broke friendships, or relationships…trust me, sh*t happens.
I will still be writing though, but I will be more careful not to hit someone’s ego.
I will be cautious.
I will be calculating my words.
But surely I will still be doing this because I find more reasons to rather than not to.
Who’s Job Is It?
This is a story about four people named EVERYBODY, SOMEBODY, ANYBODY and NOBODY. There was an important job to be done and EVERYBODY was sure that SOMEBODY would do it. ANYBODY could have done it, but NOBODY did it. SOMEBODY got angry about that because it was EVERYBODY’S job. EVERYBODY thought that ANYBODY could do it but NOBODY realized that EVERYBODY wouldn’t do it. It ended up that EVERYBODY blamed SOMEBODY when NOBODY did what ANYBODY could have done!
i wanna be in films! i wanna do anything that would take away the pain. and its not what you think it is. its not the usual problem about life, love or friendship. this time, now that i am an employee, its about my job. something so complicated and too confidential to share. i’ve been crying for days and nothing can still take away the feeling of regret and utter confusion. questions kept running through my mind thinking what the heck happened or why the heck happened! i’m just in a state of denial, anger, bargaining, and depression. kubler ross defined these as stages. but i guess i have experienced all these at once the moment i found out that i did something wrong. i dont know what will happen in the coming days. i dont know if i will ever reach the last stage of acceptance. but i have to be strong, and maybe in time, i’ll be able to swallow all this in an entire piece and realize something in the end.
Well, my life has practically been revolving around the operating room for not so long now. So I decided to take a picture of myself not in scrub suits. This. I miss. <33
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All that and more.
I’ve been really, really, really busy the past months which explains the lack of time for blogging. For so long, I thought I wouldn’t be able to write anymore. I miss this. I miss the relief it gives me. I miss the sanity that writing brings me. Now I’m sane again.
A LOT had been going on and I couldn’t enumerate each event that had passed coz it would take me forever. Let me start off slow. Just with the highlights.
Late last March 2011, I was “lucky” to be part of the post-graduate training of PSH. The training lasted for 45 dreadful days and by dreadful I mean twice as torturing when I was a student. Every single day of that training, I complain, I curse people and hate people. I had to drag myself to go to the hospital and when I get home, I cry to the point of almost giving up. I always tell my mom and the rest of the people I could talk to that I don’t like this training, that I want to quit and that I am not happy with what I’m doing. But still, I get up and do what I had to regardless of the torture I’m giving myself. All I could think of at that moment was what I had given up for this training, so I shouldn’t be ranting. Then after 45 days, I finally “graduated”. After all the hassle and bustle that this training has brought me, I was happy. Happy for I never thought the torture ended at last! But nevertheless, I have learned a couple of things. Okay, I just hate to admit that despite the hassle I sure have learned a lot, and appreciated the hospital rotation more except the part where we had to pass effin’ requirements every week.
Then, three days after, I received a call for the OJT program. I was overjoyed! Yes, ecstatic that I almost forgot about the booked flight I had for my birthday. I was supposed to celebrate my birthday somewhere with my family and it turned out that I just celebrated my birthday alone because I had to attend the OJT program at PSH. Again, instead of ranting some more, all I did was think about what I had given up for this on-the-job training.
Then, lucky enough I was plotted to have my OJT at PSH operating room, where all the staff are warm and welcoming. Until this very day, I could say that I’m blessed to be where I am. I have always prayed to be assigned in an area where there was less patient contact and in an area where I could complain less. And here it is, my answered prayer. I couldn’t be more grateful that God had placed me here. And I still trust that I am where I’m supposed to be. J
One of the senior staffs in the operating room told me one thing when I didn’t answer him “yes” when he asked if I liked to be assigned in the OR. His exact words were “YOU WILL LOVE IT HERE!”.
And without a doubt, I love it!
J
Cheers to new experiences! :)
thank you notes.
dear chocolate,
i had a little more of you today then yesterday. and with roasted almonds this time. i just cant get enough of your rich melty goodness! thanks for keeping me company on gloomy days and those days when i crave for your sweetness.
Mimi
dear strong winds,
thank you for postponing my trip today. i do not wish to see you tomorrow though. i really need to get home so that i could come back to Cebu soonest! all the best!
Mimi
dear tears,
thank you for staying at bay the last few days. we weren’t seeing a whole lot of each other and your absence is welcomed because it makes my heart grow fonder for you. next time you fall from my eyes and splash my collarbones, i’ll see you as more of a treat.much love!
Mimi
dear goodbyes,
thank you for almost never being final. i hope to bid you two, three, four times at least. maybe even more. all the best!
Mimi
dear annoying orange,
thank you for being so annoying. i will miss being bugged by you especially now that Sean isn’t around anymore. but i’ll be seeing you once in a while. i’ll be bugging some people with your buggable “hey!”
Mimi
dear usher’s omg song,
thank you for randomly playing on the radio. it feels different when you’re being played by the deejays by request than when clicking you on itunes. i miss Sean more coz he used to correct me when i say the wrong lyrics. “it’s not oh my god, ate mimi, it’s oh my gosh!” oops!
Mimi
dear your thoughts,
thank you for being with me.there are a lot of places they could be and i appreciate their pointing in my general direction. i’m thinking about you too.
Mimi
…
dear my expectations,
thank you for being quite low. my arms aren’t very long so it’s important that i can reach you, even if i have to go on tip-toe.
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